I’m a huge fan of David Tennant, so I was grieved when he left. I was, however pleased when they released the news that Matt Smith was going take over as the Eleventh Doctor. I’d seen him in a tiny part on another series, and I liked his quirky looks. Warning: There will be random spoilers of Season 5 below, so stop reading if you haven’t seen the whole season and don’t want to be spoiled!
The first episode “The Eleventh Hour” made me think I was going to like him in the role – once I adjusted to the strangeness of having someone new answer to the Doctor’s name. I *loved* the scene where the aliens are chased away only for the Doctor to call them back so he can demand they respect the Earth. There’s the powerful, in charge Doctor I love!
But after that, things crashed faster than the TARDIS. Here is a random list of all the reasons I object to Matt Smith’s Doctor (hereafter called 11), the writing on this season, and Amy Pond’s character.
1) When in trouble, 11 has a temper tantrum. The Doctor isn’t a spoiled baby and shouldn’t act like one.
2) The Doctor isn’t an idiot, either, but 11 is. In the first two episodes (and sporadically afterward), 11 is completely clueless and his companion has to solve all the problems and save the world, while 11 stands around fondling his screwdriver. In the episode with Van Gogh and the “invisible chicken”, 11 loses his sense completely and becomes slapstick rubbish. Even a child would know you attack an invisible chicken by following the lead of the guy who actually *can* see the invisible chicken. Hit where he’s hitting, not go swinging off in the shrubbery making a fool out of yourself for laughs.
3) Amy Pond is the worst companion ever, and what is up with her constant hen-pecking? I loved her at first, now I despise her. She’s a mean bully, and not just to 11. Rory might be an idiot, but at least he’s sweet. The way she treats him makes me sick. She has no respect for him whatsoever, and though she married him, the only time she seems to show any affection for him is when he’s dying. The rest of the time she mocks him and chases after 11. Even at her wedding, she ignores him in favor of 11, trying to get 11 to kiss her and not-joking about assignations with 11 in the shrubbery.
4) This Doctor doesn’t have the love of humanity he should. He complains about having to save the Earth, grumbles about not being appreciated, and steals the clothes he ends up wearing because he’s owed payment he doesn’t get. Um, yeah. The Doctor’s choice of clothing after a regeneration is supposed to be a deliberate choice, revealing his personality. Not a grubby little theft, covered up by some silly mumbling about bowties being cool. To her credit, even Amy was shocked.
5) Amy Pond, part II. The Doctor is not “her boy”. The Doctor is no one’s “boy”, and certainly wouldn’t refer to himself as such. Rory, of course, is ‘her boy’, and little does she appreciate him even after 2000 years of faithful service. Rory needs counseling to help him out of this abusive relationship.
6) Major changes to established things. With no explanation. Will someone explain how the sonic screwdriver suddenly can heal? Or how about those Weeping Angels? If they can move in the blink of an eye, why are they suddenly griiiinding as they move oh-so-slowly? When they looked at, they are stone. Period. They can’t move. Yet suddenly they are not only moving, but they are moving like the cheapest of cheap movie monsters. Stephen Moffit, hang your head in shame. You suck for doing this to my favorite villains of all time.
7) The big season-ender. The first half was cool. Amy died (yay!), and the scene with 11 being dragged by his mortal enemies into the Pandorica trap was brilliant. Brilliant.
Which is why it was such a crushing disappointed a week later when an idiot with a screwdriver (Rory) opens the Pandorica and frees the Doctor in the first five minutes of the show. Excuse me? What kind of trap is this if anyone with a screwdriver can open it? There are multiple regenerations of the Doctor out there, there is River Song – and all of those possess sonic screwdrivers. Are the bad aliens really so stupid and illogical??? And the episode only gets worse. After 11 is freed, he must save the universe. And does this by regenerating into Bill and Ted’s Excellent adventure. (Come to think of it, they traveled in a phone box too….hmmm)
You know the sort of paradox-causing time-jumping where, if you end up with Bill and Ted in prison, you simply say “When we get out, we must remember to put a key to this prison in our cell. Like, dude, right here on this ledge” and so you escape prison by simply reaching up and taking the key off the ledge. The last episode had so many of those type of solutions that I couldn’t remember them all if I tried. I don’t mind a little wibbly-wobbly in my timey-whimy, but that was ridiculous.
And to be fair, there’s one reason why season 5 was worth watching: River Song. River Song is brilliant. And she’s that rare thing in the literary world: a woman who is strong without being a henpecking bullying toerag (cough*amypond*cough), OR a word-that-rhymes-with-witch. I’m opposed the idea of a female Doctor because I’m a girl who likes to look at adorable Doctor-men, but I still wish that they had made River Song be 11. Even not being the Doctor, she’s superior to 11 in every single way (excluding adorable man-ness, of course!).
Seriously, if it weren’t for River, I’d have spent my time more enjoyably re-watching Bill and Ted.
